Only the USA could have invented American football… much less enjoy it … You know, there’s a reason why Americans love their brand of “football” so much and why, unlike basketball or baseball, it never caught on outside the USA. I say “a” reason because both of these truths can be traced to a single […]
Should I wait or should I go: the eternal dilemma .. So there you are, away from home — at the office, a shopping mall, your daughter’s tuba recital, wherever — when nature calls. And she’s in no mood to be put on hold. You excuse yourself and scout out the nearest loo. Only to find, there’s no […]
Transcript from deposition, Humanity v. God … Plaintiffs’ Attorney: Please state your name. Defendant: Yahweh PA: Age? D: Eternal PA: Occupation? D: Almighty God PA: And you also go by the alias Heavenly Father? D: Sure. PA: Mr. Yahweh — D: No mister. PA: Beg pardon? D: No “mister.” Just Yahweh. PA: OK then, “Yahweh,” […]
The “power of habit” works both ways, unfortunately … Years ago I heard of an experiment supposedly performed at the Yerkes Primate Research Center in Atlanta. What they did, so the story goes, was to put a scaffold in the chimpanzees’ rec room with an enormous bunch of grapes perched on top. Apes, in case […]
It’s not the heat, it’s not the humidity, it’s the people … Back around 1990, some friends and I had a habit of strolling over to the Red Lion pool hall to watch America’s Most Wanted and count how often our state came up. If the number was ever zero, I don’t recall it. Yes, […]
Simple secret makes egg shells peel perfectly … In the American South, deviled eggs are nearly a contact sport. I know a pair of sisters who maintained a seventeen-year fued over paprika. (Don’t ask.) Indeed, many a church supper’s been silently plagued with pride, envy, gluttony, covetousness, perhaps even inklings of lust over deviled eggs. […]
An old fart learns to lighten up … A while back, I saw a tweet that said: I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or are living it to the fullest. That little sentence crawled into my head like an earwig and stuck there. It became my Zen […]
In the South, etiquette is a game of chess … Lots of folks are moving to the South these days, and I’m gonna do all y’all transplants a big favor. You can thank me later. There’s a lot that goes unspoken down here, so it’s real easy to screw up and not be aware of […]
The lighter side of Jesus of Nazareth … When comedian Alan King was asked “What is the essence of Jewish humor?” he answered with a story. A guy’s having lunch at a Jewish deli. He flags down the waiter and says, “Taste the soup.” The waiter asks, “Is something wrong?” “Taste the soup.” “Is it […]
And who grills beans anyway? … A rolling stone gathers no moss. A watched pot never boils. Fish don’t fry in the kitchen. And beans don’t burn on the grill. It is known. But wait, hold the phone a sec. Of course fish fries in the kitchen. Where else are you gonna fry it, the […]